About 2012 my husband and I decided to co-habituate instead of divorcing but not by choice. Our marriage was un-salvageable as was our business. We were financially ruined, lost everything we had except our house, which came with a very large mortgage – otherwise we were bankrupt.
The bright side to this was that we have two extremely beautiful children.
Children that most parents only dream of and neither of us could picture pulling them from their home, their school, especially from their mom or dad.
This is when we knew that we had to suck it up, and try to get along the best we could. Luckily, the house (the big nut to crack every month) had become a blessing because of its large size and mother-in-law room downstairs. Our house became a 2 for 1, he downstairs, the kids and me upstairs. In the beginning there was a lot of shame, blaming, judging, criticizing one another and making excuses for our lack; not to mention the resentment for our failed attempts of trying to make a business and marriage work.
It wasn’t until 2011 when I was forced back into corporate America at age 46 did I begin to understand how to make lemonade out of lemons. Even though my job was taxing, and the anxiety of having to leave my kids was beyond overwhelming – if I hadn’t been forced to return to work I would have never been introduced to the spiritual path that I now walk upon. I would have never learned that I haven’t the power to change anyone but myself.
In the past I was one of those who desperately followed spiritual leaders such as Wayne Dyer, Joel Osteen, in search of something – I just wasn’t sure what I was searching for so, my results were almost invisible – only recognizing that “Miracles” had happened. This is what kept me in search mode.
However, while reluctantly at work, a few of my coworkers introduced me to other spiritual leader’s teachings such as Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, Joe Dispenza, and many more and I loved the information that I was receiving. It wasn’t until I realized that none of this would work without practical application of what I was learning from their teachings.
Once I began the day-to-day application and the mortar had dried, it was like magic – all I had to do was simply be aware of any thoughts and accept the good and bad vibrations… the ones that weren’t loving to me or anyone around me I would gradually toss out.
Simply by just learning to say “Okay”, to whatever – is actually what catapulted me into the next realm of growth. This is when I begin seeing the results of my actions or should I say “Non Resistance” to what has become a new beginning.
This is when I began to understand that it wasn’t impossible to change anyone other than myself; I come to find out by accident that once I changed – so did everyone around me, and that is when our home became harmonious without one demanding word being spoken.
It was as though pure love, love and compassion (for which I had never even knew existed) became a part of me – it was me, the new me. The most beautiful part was that the new me began to pour out through my non-resistance and awareness of the here and now, causing a domino effect onto my children, and their dad. It was then when I realized that even though our marriage was over we were united not divided as a family.
I quit smoking, drinking, taking medication, arguing and being obnoxious with everyone I met. I simply taught myself through awareness how to let go and forget long-standing feelings of guilt, shame, unworthiness, and judging myself and others. The funny thing in all of this is that, “I” was still me, just a better version.
This is where I found myself looking deeper in finding compassion for everyone I met, and boy did that feel good. I felt as though the chains of the past that had been shackling my life to a rock and stunting my family’s growth had been removed.
And now, many years later, I continue to listen, learn, and practice what I teach. It takes a great deal of awareness on my part and I am not always successful but that is the beauty of all of this… there are no rules.
If you get sideways, you just keep moving forward and next time it gets a little easier. I am constantly evolving as is the world around me. I found when I quit talking about, “It” and just started being me, is when I truly began to feel that I was ready to take the next step in teaching others how to rid themselves of those nasty mind viruses that some take to the grave.
My ex-husband and I still plan to raise our tween/teen daughter together on the terms of what is convenient for the other and in her best interest – why not? Our son started his new and exciting journey into college living after graduated salutatorian of his 2016 High School class; he never fails to say he loves and appreciates everything in his life, as does his sweet little sister.
Gratitude Produces Greatness!
My now ex-husband, abruptly decided in May of 2017 that our situation wasn’t healthy, nor were we going to continue living this way. My answer was, “Okay”. Since, we’ve moved forward (me in a neighboring town and him living in the house we shared for well over 15 years) things are just fine. I do feel a sense of freedom that I’m not quite sure where to place in my new abode, but I’m betting that something bigger and better is waiting for me right around the corner. So, I don’t give it much thought – only just the awareness that it deserves.
By me letting go and letting my inner God guide me, quieting my mind, living non-resistant, I have literally changed my life. So, Wayne Dyer (RIP), thank you because along with many others from the teachings of Jesus to Tolle, I must say that – changing the way you look at things – has definitely changed what I NOW see in everyone, including myself.
My goal is to help others not settle but to help them find their magnificent self as I have done.