Hopefully, you’ve enjoyed reading the first part of my journey so, I’ll just move forward from there…
Here’s the kicker; not once was my intention to stop drinking or smoking… my intention was to become a BETTER ME but in the process those were the things that had to be negated in order for me to reach my goal.
What I had actually done was unknowingly planted the seeds long ago. The seeds were the actions of longing to stop the drinking & smoking. Now I was fertilizing and watering the soil for which (metaphorically) was my brain. The water and fertilizer were my action of immersing myself into the meditation, books, seminars, etc… with the intention focused on how to be a better me. It was magic, truly magic because in the end I am a better person and the bunny (the unexpected stopping) popped out of the hat but never went back in.
This may sound crazy but for several years prior to the completion of this chapter in my life – I would say to myself as I popped open a cold can of Coors Light, “I don’t know why you’re drinking this, you don’t drink.” But I would just keep drinking. I did the same thing with smoking. I would light up a cigarette, and then say the same thing but just kept smoking. After 32 years of smoking, one day, over five years ago, I decided it was over and it was like I had never smoked a day in my life.
Now my life is like a river in the sense that I have awakened to a new world and it is pulling towards a wonderful and free way of life moving in directions of positive flowing goodness. Even if I wanted to – it now seems impossible for me to swim upstream – turn back to my old ways. This feeling of letting go of the things that really don’t matter sometimes feels too good to be true; but I embrace it and love it!
I’m most certain that it was the AWARENESS without RESISTANCE that created this new me. Along with me not judging myself, by ending the cycle of related guilt, shame, and regret; I stopped trying to STOP.
Every now and then I’ll have a beer or a glass of wine but only on a special occasion. I think it’s been a month or two since I went to a party (and before that it was Halloween 2015, if my memory serves me right) for which I generally don’t go to parties anymore; not because of the temptation but because of the atmosphere and the fact that I don’t have a lot in common with those who actually use to use me as their decoy. You know, the “Hey, look over there at her, so you’re not noticing me being too drunk over here”. I would never to let them down. Now, I hang out with a group of people who are more like minded as me. We have more common goals – and search to be better Stuarts’ of our lives and embrace the powers of the Universe for which we all share as one. We read and listen to the same books and audios and are always searching for that blissful feeling and have sober conversations about our lives or just sit and enjoy the earth in silence.
It’s really simple… but takes a bit of time and the willingness to still your mind through meditation – but oh so worth it. The more you’re aware and you let go – having no expectation of when or what will happen, the quicker it will unfold for you. Crazy but true!
The best part is that the small amount of resources needed are mostly free and completely accessible to you on the internet/youtube. There are also “Life Coaches” like me who can be of assistance if you just need someone to talk to that won’t judge you and can help guide you confidentially through your journey.
Here are a few tips to help you get started:
- Get away from anyone who reminds you of whatever bad habit you’re trying to get rid of – later, when you’re more confident then maybe you can spend more time with that person
- Do not tell anyone of your plan – this is a personal journey
- This way you’re not setting yourself up for disappointment or giving your so called friends a chance to say “Told you so!”
- Trust the process
- Trust your inner God by concentrating on Being a Better You!
- Don’t worry about what others think
- Trust that one day this will work
- if you mess up – don’t sweat it – every morning you get a new start
- Self hypnosis and guided meditation
- can be found on youtube; just plug your headphones in at night, lye flat on your back (I prop my pillows up a bit), get nice and comfy then just follow the guides instructions
- Make some folders on youtube with guided meditations and self hypnosis so that you can access them quickly.
- Set your alarm for 20 minutes before you need to get up
- Find the perfect “Get your day started” happy type youtube guided meditation, stay in bed, and listen with earphones.
- At lunchtime, find a quiet place and take 10 minutes to completely silence your mind
- This can be tricky and will take practice but you will reap the greatest of rewards
- Remember that deep breathing will help you to stop thoughts
- Next write on an index card and tape it to your bathroom mirror:
- I do not blame myself or others
- I make no excuses
- Guilt is a wasted emotion
- Regret is a part of my past – I am like a river and only move forward
- Judging others is only a reflection of what I don’t want in my life so, STOP IT!
All you have to do is be AWARE of behaviors that aren’t loving to you – eventually, I promise, they will disappear; Changing the way you look at yourself – that is where it truly begins.
When you get impatient and want to give up, I want you to remember the story about what I use to tell myself…as I opened a can a beer or lit a cigarette; “Why are you doing this, you don’t …”, when you do something in spite of knowing that it isn’t productive or loving to you or anyone around you – it’s OKAY. Even though you are still doing it… One day, if you take the steps above seriously, you will find that it will magically disappear.
Don’t make this harder than it really is! There is no need to put a lot of restrictions on what you do just simply be AWARE… the rest will fall in place.
Remember, you’re not looking for a “Quick fix” to stop drinking, smoking, eating, popping pills, whatever it is that is controlling your life.
You are focused on being – Better than YOU USE to BE! That’s IT!
The words “Struggle” and “Battle” shouldn’t be a part of your recovery just as the word “Should”, shouldn’t be a word in your vocabulary. At this point in my life I truly feel like I have never had a problem with alcohol but I most certainly have had a problem. I simply choose not to dwell on what was and focus on what is here and now.
Once that inner peace finds you because you’ve gotten rid of all the crap and made room for it to find a place to live in your head and your heart – that is when your world will open up in ways that you only dreamed in years gone past.
However, remember, we are all a work in progress… they’ll always be something else come along, but now you will have one more tool in your toolbox that helps you understand how important it is to let go and let God repair those issues – then quickly move forward.